Where did it all go...

I stand Here today.. knowing that there will probably never be anyone who will read this blog I'm writing today... But I'm writing it anyhow... I have literally wasted my entire life working to pay my increased and uncontrollable amounts of debt. I actually have nothing to show for all of my years of labor. My debt has kept me from giving to the Church like I want to so bad...it has kept me from helping loved ones in need...and now today... I have a way out of debt, but for some reason or another, God has a block on it. Do I blame Him? Absolutely not...do I anger myself at Him for not helping me get out of this hole I've dug? Absolutely not. But now the depression is beginning to flood my soul once again... My life has not been an easy one... but through all my battles... it has turned me into a warrior. But....today, I stand here beaten and worn, unsure of how much more my heart and soul can stand. Not sure if this storm I see coming will claim my soul for ransom. I've prayed and prayed with no answer, I sometimes wonder if God has just had enough of my mistakes and is saying..." Your on your own now Bobby" does this anger me? No..!.why? Simply because, everything that us upon my head ..it exactly what I have brought upon myself I feel like a kid that can't swim...but continuously jumps into the deep water and screams for help... Eventually no one will be there to pull him out. But though it all... I know that if I make it through this war upon my soul...I will come out the other side stronger than I've ever been before...